Irish Bar in Brussels (yuck)

[misterlane]

Dust bound wood
detergent slime of
sugared beer

Ceiling dark stained
smoke of months

Collected glass of
metal taint the
round stooled arse
of future


- fuck I really hate Brussels.

[eugene]

there's a great pun to be had with stool and arse in this one and it could make a cracker finisher.

[gerard]

I thought round stooled arse was a pun.

This has some good imagery but it could be opened out more. What makes it an Irish bar? Is it the same tacky features you get in one of those galway pubs (Galway = Ireland's Disneyland) that seem to have been designed especially to fit in with American tourists views of Ireland?

Do a second draft and open it out more but not too much because there's something in the brievity of it which I like.

[misterlane]

I've been fiddling with it a little, mostly the line "Tarry eyes in mirror rust" or some variation but I'm finding it difficult to fit in without fleshing-out one of the non-sentences, and causing a blockage in the flow.

I don't know about mentioning specific Oirish miscellany, I don't remember the pub in question having any. The common feature is always the heavily varnished dark wood that never seems clean, always has that adhesive metallic tang clinging to it of spilt beer and detergent never properly rinsed. Sickening, a little but it has it's own authenticity - it's what drives me to these places when I'm overseas, rather than the jinogism, something about that smell - it's a universal from Tokyo to London to Seattle.