1st draft Quadric

[oceanangel]

unnatural
the adult bewildered look
of shock on a childs face

and small childs tears
on a young adult
wise beyond her years

love circulates around the room
rejecting fear
with every tense breath

on pinched faces suddenly
older and paler

walton like
a family
submerged in their own epiphanies.

needs a little work i think, tho may have potential?

[eugene]

It should be child's not child.

Why no capitals or other punctuation?If you want to do your line breaks like this and set up three line stanzas you should try to watch your rhythms. (count you syllables is a good way to start).

This does have potential. I like the way it goes from child-adult-old. Even though you're talking about a family it does seem in some ways to be about a particular family member.

Get a second draft up.