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Post by misterlane on May 14, 2008 19:44:05 GMT 1
History repeating Time spent dreaming Waiting Lost to non-events, Technicians scheming, talking, meeting.
Words in my defense retreating Colours on the outside bleeding laughter lights a hidden need and corpse white teeth are no disguise.
Believe in trusted almost feelings Bearing on the Ghost of meaning
Relaxation costs the earth in crisis talks for what it's worth.
Timing's off again and missed appointments, disappointing everyone but cynics lost in Hemingway, and CNN reports repeating
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Post by gerard on May 15, 2008 22:47:25 GMT 1
This is a good piece with a strong rhythm to it, which rolls around well in you mouth if you speak it. In stanza 2 you have some very good rhyming opportunities (or assonance) but I feel you could rearrange the words to make the most of these, particularly outside/disguise.
Not sure of your last two references to Hemingway and CNN. Particularly CNN. Is Hemingway a reference to someone who sees themselves as a hunter/ wrestling against nature sort or a bullish man's man?
If you ever fancy coming to an open mic gig (like the one in safehouse on 16/5/08) I think this would go down well. I'd like to read more.
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Post by misterlane on May 16, 2008 11:37:08 GMT 1
Cheers Gerard
It's the Hemingway syndrome thing I'm thinking of in that, armchair wrestlers and generals with cushy office jobs indulging in machismo fantasy, but in a cynical, resigned mood, like how CNN reports have that mid point between jingo-istic hysteria and "serious" journalism. Sort of suit wearing company men wanting to be seen as frontline troops in the war on terror. That's what I had in my head, like not sure if it works, i'd toyed with a few other terms, but "hemingway" also had a lovely ring to it and was a nice echo for the "history repeating" in the first line.
The main theme of the poem is that "history" is now written in real time, and we are told of the importance of events as they happen by the people reporting them. History has no power, it's written from a Winston Smith perspective. The imagery in the main body is CNN reportage. I have a couple of pieces on the same lines (and some songs too).
Cheers for the kind words - I was very close to getting up at that Pavillion gig, and reading this one, but the fear got me - funny, like. singing is fine, poetry is terrorising.
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Post by stephen on May 20, 2008 20:14:35 GMT 1
Hi misterlane,
Liked the poem. As Gerard says, its rolls around in the mouth when you read it a loud. For me, it has to be performed for the impact of the gerunds.
Thanks for clearing up the references, diffuses the ambiguity of my first reading.
All the best,
Stephen
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